Snake Eyes

45 days since Walk Out Day, the day I walked out of my office for good. The reasons were tenfold, but nothing worth unfolding now. The truth is, I needed to go.

I’m not sure what has happened in this short period since Walk Out Day, but much like how a snake sheds its skin (which, incidentally, includes eye caps) I feel like a completely different being. I have literally woken up from a long slumber. Even the eye caps have been repossessed.

What’s changed? Well. All those things that you are meant to do regularly, I now at the age of 39, finally understand that it doesn’t happen by osmosis. You actually have to lift a finger, and you have to commit. To give you an example over the past 45 days, I have:

  • Nutrition: Given up red meat – that’s like becoming Vegan for me
  • Mindfulness: Meditated 20 minutes every day
  • Exercise: Taken a private pilates class once every week; Done a form of yoga, once a week; Walk every day.
  • Spirituality: Consulted with a Healer. Hired a life coach
  • Creativity: Designed my own website; Started a blog
  • Entrepreneurship: Outlined a plan to start selling a product, on my own terms

The impact that these small forces have had on me, have amazed me. I walk around in a state of surprise and shock daily, which I suppose is a bit counterproductive. But anyway, I digress.

From what I can see, these are the changes that have occurred:

  • An ability to not just once but on several occasions, withstand my son’s tantrums with absolutely calm and understanding
  • A newfound gentleness for my daughter’s sensitive nature by consciously remembering to marvel at her as being a separate person to me, because she is NOT me
  • An acceptance of myself as being all the fiery things that I can be, without judgement, which ironically quashes the need to flare up at all
  • Noticing my ego rise up and in the next moment, actually witnessed it go away without a need to do anything
  • Started a blog purely from listening to my inner voice one day during meditation
  • Purchased with my own money a sample product with a contact I barely know in China, with the view to start a business partnership
  • Discovered last night sitting across my husband at my kitchen table that I am actually capable of asking for his advice whist remaining level-headed, non-accusatory, and open to his devil advocate’s approach
  • Started talking with strangers with a smile and open mind and realised that the world is much more supportive than I thought
  • Waking up every day, no matter how little I’ve slept or how early my son has decided to exchange his bed for mine, completely ready for the day, cracking jokes with my family with one bleary eye open

Perhaps the most telling of all is that the morning nerves and occasional panic attacks have literally disappeared. My days and nights are filled with what I can only describe as more ‘space’. Moments of pure joy. Observations of the most micro and macro scale. Taking in the world one gulp at a time, with an overwhelming sense of completeness.

Why does any of this matter?

“A snake sheds its skin regularly to allow for continued growth.”

Therein lies the wisdom.

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